There was an era when discontented women were diagnosed with “hysteria”, sedated, and completely discounted as fatally flawed members of the species.
What more could they want, after all, than what was handed to them? Than to recline on the couch, be cared for, and to fit in?
I’m pretty sure that, born a few decades earlier, I would have been right there with them, “off my rocker” and medicated.
I’ve never been one to be easily contented, and its a nagging trait that separates me from the rest of my Taurus cohort. We’re fabled to be happy with stability, a sweet home, a loyal partner, and a sense that everything’s in its right place.
I can’t think of a time when everything felt “in its right place”.
Does that make me hysterical?
By some accounts, still- yes. My life has at its essence been full on blessed. I grew up in a beautiful family, got along famously with my younger brother, scored top-notch grades in school and eventually graduated with a Masters of Science. I had a stable job, a loyal partner, and even an adorable dog. I never struggled with much of anything.
But in my 20‘s, I could never shake the feeling that something was off- out of alignment or something, maybe just… wrong. Montana’s harsh winters would bring on bouts of depression and to further break my will, insomnia dug its claws into my throat and threatened to truly drive me crazy.
Maybe it was just the perfectionist in me that couldn’t “just be happy” with the magic in my life. Maybe my standards were too high. Or as Prince crooned, “Maybe I’m just like my mother, she’s never satisfied.”
But really- who wants to just be “satisfied”?
I could keep it together, roll with it, but I didn’t want to spend my energy “keeping it together”. That felt like committing myself to a life of purgatory and exhaustion.
So I felt guilty that I wasn’t just steeping myself in gratitude for all the blessings that already graced my life.
“Shouldn’t I just be happy with what I have? Really, I’m so lucky! In the grand scheme of everyone I know, I have absolutely zero to complain about.”
Maybe I was hysterical. Maybe I needed to be sedated, Brave New World style dosed with Soma so I could just keep on keeping on.
Or maybe the time had come to just want more.
Let your blessings be your blessings.
Honor them. Count them. Celebrate them and ride high on them.
Don’t let them become guilt- that is not why they were given to you.
You don’t have to become numb to the longing, to pretend you don’t seek more, to honor everything you’ve already experienced.
In fact? To long for more to give gratitude, and ask to continually expand.
We’re not hysterical.
We’re divers, seekers, dancers, artists, who are always keeping our eyes to the sky to understand a little more deeply how we’re being called to dance with this lifetime.
And this, Heart Centered Ones, is a beautiful thing.